Blogging again

I have decided to blog again. I do realise that this is more like an online secret diary. But no one reads it anyway. The reason why I've decided to blog again it because I'm finding myself wanting to say stuff - stuff that isn't particularly healthy nor nice about myself, without scaring my friends and family. And I want to say it often.

I've tried twitter but It just doesn't give enough space to write and I've also tried status updates in facebook, but to other peoples distress. So I'm back to this blog.

I think I just need to get thoughts down, make them coherent. Looking back on my older posts nothing much has changed, except that I'm older. I'm still lonely and for some nefarious reason Daniel is kind of back in my life after 2 years (see previous posting).

So basically the sum of these blogs I will write will amount to the same thing
1. being lonely
2. being depressed
3. not being wanted
4. not wanting to exist

I'm not so sure blogging will help.

Cheater!

I'm the occasional other woman.... I'm not proud of it, it does not make me feel good and if he calls again when he is stoned and horny - and the girlfriend isn't around - I will say yes. Why? Because I'm a fool for him and well the sex is worth it.

My Neighbours

I hate my neighbours. They make me angry. I hate them because they hold impromptu parties that go until the later hours of the morning. And when I get home of an evening from work the guy produces music in a non-soundproofed shack right outside my bedroom window, so all I hear is doosh doosh doosh, when I want to relax.

I have called the police on several occasions about the level of noise coming from their house in the wee hours and they do nothing.

I swear I am at breaking point.

What is wrong with me?

The other day I was thinking that because I am sort of starting the dating scene a little late in life I am pretty much left with the dregs of society.

But today I thought maybe I am a dreg of society. No-one has really been interested in me or anything and if something does start then its over very quickly.

Am I like the last person on the list of possible date-able girls?

I really don't think I am that bad, but maybe I am to other people.

birthday blues or something else

In ten years time will i still be lonely?

How Would you Feel?

If your mother has said that she has given up hope that her daughter will never find anyone and have children...compounded by the emotions that prick has left me in ....pretty fucked up is how..

New Year Resolution

Delete Pricks number from phone - done

My Anthem

Annie Waits - Ben Folds

And so
Annie waits, annie waits, annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
Its the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits for the last time

The clock never stops, never stops, never waits
Shes growing old
Its getting late
And so he forgot, he forgot
Maybe not
Maybe hes been seriously hurt
Would that be worse?

Headlights crest the hill
Shadows pass her by and out of sight
Annie sees her dreams:
Friday bingo, pigeons in the park

Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time

Annie says you see this is why Id rather be alone.
And so
Annie waits, annie waits, annie waits
For a call
From a friend
The same
Its the same
Was it always the same?
Annie waits as the last...

Headlights crest the hill
Who will be the one for evermore?
(ooh ooh)
Annie, I could be
If were both still lonely when were old

Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time
Annie waits for the last time
Just the same as the last time

Annie waits
But not for me

Crappy New Years

Not happy Jan... as the ad goes.

So should I get really pissed tonight to forget about prickface?

I have been feeling miserable for the past couple of days and its noticable (at least by the people at work). I can't help it, usually I am really good at hiding my emotions. I hate him for making me feel this way.

I also want to become a hermit and totally shut myself off from the world, more specifically the people of this world.

I watched the beginning of Saddams hanging earlier today and I actually felt really sad for him, perhaps it was the look on his face, he looked kind of peaceful to me.